Getting by with uncertainty
We know nothing about our futures, but that can be a good thing
What are your plans for 2022? None?! I wouldn't blame you after having all of our 2020 and 2021 plans tossed in the wind. Covid has been a major force in showing how uncertain is the world around us is, and maybe teaching us how to deal with uncertainty.
Although it brings us enormous anxiety, we should try making peace with the fact that we have very little control over our lives and what will happen. No matter how much of a control freak you are, most things are just out of our reach. Actually, it's extremely rare that something goes as planned.
Not knowing what comes next can be stressful. We are constantly afraid of the future because of the bad experiences that may be coming our way — losing a job, being in a car accident, or the death of a family member. Most of us will jump to the worst possible scenario in our heads, in an instant.
But often, unexpectedly good things will also happen. Take a moment to recall, I bet there’s so much that has happened to you that you weren’t expecting and had an immense positive consequence on your future. Meeting a future partner on a trip by chance, getting a new job, moving to another country, discovering a new hobby you didn’t know you liked…
By carrying this line of thought, some calm can be achieved for those paralyzed by anxiety. That is one of the many ways we can deal with uncertainty.
What if instead of imagining all the bad things that might happen, you ask yourself: in what ways can my life improve?
Your life can always improve. And it can do so in ways you were not even expecting. Instead of imagining how everything can go wrong, you can imagine that new, exciting, and unimagined experiences are coming.
1. Reframe your ideas
Learning to live and love uncertainty is wonderful, but it's not easy.
Reframing also means understanding your future imaginary problems and relativizing them. You are probably much stronger than you know and have been through a lot already. Whatever is coming your way, you will be able to face it as well. Also, the problems you are facing now rarely will affect you in the next 1, 5, or 10 years. The ones in your head, (if they ever occur), won't either.
You are a single human being in a huge universe that will go on whatever actions you make. Our time on earth is very short and our lives will generally be completely meaningless to the planet or the universe.
Knowing that none of this matters and that at the same time you are the one who decides what matters is extremely liberating. You can get away from the social pressures that have been imposed on you and go your own way.
Since nothing matters, you are free to assign value to whatever you want, and hopefully don't be so scared about the consequences. Most of what we are afraid to do is because we only see the worst-case scenario in front of us. But, what if the best-case scenario happens? Is it also very scary? Why?
Remember, not everything you value and worry about is what others care about, or will have all the awful consequences you are imagining in your head.
2. Don't believe everything you think
Your head can play tricks on you. Especially on always going straight to worst-case scenarios. In uncertain times, it’s particularly important not to believe those thoughts.
Worst-case scenarios can be useful, as our brain analyzes possibilities and help make smart choices. But when we believe these stressful thoughts, we tend to react emotionally as though the worst case is already happening in real life, rather than just in our heads. We grieve for things that we haven’t actually lost, and react to events that are not actually happening. This makes us feel threatened, afraid, and unsafe when we are simply alone with our thoughts.
Our negativity bias can also set us up for failure. Expectations can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we expect the worst, we often feel too afraid or close-minded to seize opportunities or respond to challenges.
Instead of buying into every stressful thought, we can actively imagine the best possible scenario. We can find silver linings to replace ruminations. This counters our natural tendency to overestimate risks and negative consequences.
3. Pay attention
I think it’s worth asking, what would you regret not having done if you died a year from now? It sounds a little grim — and many don't want to go there — but it can make some things clear. There are probably many things you have always wanted to do but were afraid of how you would be perceived. How people would react.
Those things have an important meaning to you, even if it also brings a lot of uncertainty and fear. For instance, I love traveling and would travel as much as I could if I knew I would die a year from now. It doesn't mean I will quit my job and start traveling now, even though if you need to do this, all power to you. But, I can add more travels to my life, or at least the feeling I have when I do it, by going to new places near-by my house on the weekends or trying new restaurants.
By paying attention to what you truly want, you can little by little try adding those to your life and having some tiny sense of following the right direction. You won't know exactly where you are going, but at least you will feel that you are following the right path.
4. Find meaning in the chaos
Social psychologists define meaning, as “an intellectual and emotional assessment of the degree to which we feel our lives have purpose, value, and impact.”
Finding meaning is also connected with how you tell your story. How you talk about the major events of your life has a profound impact on your personality and it can help you to find meaning.
We, humans, are best motivated by our significance to other people. We’ll work harder and longer and better — and feel happier about the work we are doing — when we know that someone else is benefiting from our efforts. Research shows that we feel good when we stop thinking about ourselves so much and support others.
When we see something that needs improvement, our next step is to recognize what we personally can do to be a part of the solution. What skills and talents (or even just interests) can we bring to the issue? What really matters to us, and how can we be of service?
Meaning and purpose are wellsprings of hope. When the world feels scary or uncertain, knowing what meaning we have for others and feeling a sense of purpose can ground us better than anything else.
So, even though we are living hard and uncertain times, we can gradually make little improvements in our lives to feel more grounded. We can stop the rumination and try some reframing. Mostly, it would benefit us all if we could understand that we are not as almighty and in control as we think we are. None of us is.
We are just intelligent monkeys living in one of the billions of planets, circulating one of the billion stars in one of the billions of galaxies in the universe. Life is full of uncertainty.
